You know, even before the movie came out and all I said "I'll watch it... one day I will", even thought I hated #6. So Now that I finally saw it, I want to comment on what I saw... But first lemme run you through about what I think on the previous 6 movies.
1.- Good. I mean, it's not like it's the best fucking movie ever, but come on, you have to admit that by the time it came out it was really innovative and flashy... I mean, the cars, the music and the whole racing/tuning culture... It was cool!
2.- Total crap! "Oh, so we made like a ton of money, let's make a completely over the top sequel!" Bullshit... The races where filled with really bad CGI. Crap.
3.- Decent. This movie ain't good, but at least it's entertaining. New characters, cool thing that Toretto made a cameo at the end.
4.- Well... I don't know... I mean... wasn't that good... But it was a different kind of movie, seemed more serious... unlike #2.
5- You're starting to piss me off... Why? Now it's a Ocean's Eleven on wheels movie. Shit like Tej is a hacker all of the sudden just because the plot needs a fucking hacker.
6.- Remember how #2 is, well, #2? This is worse. The whole tank sequence is well.... ok...
And finally we arrive at Furious 7; often stylized as Furious Seven and alternatively known as Fast Seven and Fast & Furious 7. Who many different names does a movie need?
So I'm watching the intro scene and there's Statham's character, Shaw, giving a nice speech to his on-a-coma-bro, who got fucked by Toretto and pals on the last movie. As he leaves the hospital we see a fucking war zone... About 20 men in S.W.A.T-like uniforms dead, evidence of explosions, 3 floors of mayhem and then Shaw just gets in his car a drives the fuck away... you know casual...
And that is what's fucking wrong with this movie.
If you tell me that fucking Luke Skywalker can deflect blaster shots with his lightsaber, I'll buy it. If you tell me that fucking Godzilla fucks up 2 fucking M.U.T.O.S., I'll buy it. If you tell me that Marty fucking McFly fucking gets on a fucking time machine built out of a fucking DeLorean and goes to 195-fucking-5, I'll fucking buy it! Why? 2 words: Science Fiction.
But when you tell me that a regular guy, just a guy, makes his way through about 20 men that seems to be S.W.A.T. or something, up 3 floors of a hospital just to give his on-a-coma-brother some speech and then walk out... you know casual... I'll call bullshit! Because a regular guy CAN'T DO THAT.
Let's ignore the fact that the movie takes you for a stupid in scenes like when the whole gang is chasing a bus.Now remember, this is a F&F movie, so all is happening really fast. ON the bus we have one of the characters and another one is just behind the bus on a really fast car. The bus loses control, and is going off a cliff...
So the while the bus is there hanging, Brian (Walker's character) walks to the front part, opens the door, jumps down, almost falls to his dead when the dead drivers fall through the door, climbs on the roof making the bus actually starts to fall, then runs the whole length of the bus, jumps and just when he realizes that he's not gonna make it, the other team member happens to drift on the edge of the cliff and saves Brian's ass...... My question is: Why does Brian has the time to do all that and THEN see the guy that was behind IF the other guy WAS just behind the bus at high speed... Why not make it "The guy drives close to the bus and helps Brian"?
Let's ignore that fact and focus on the following questions:
- Remember when The Hulk smashed the floor and made The Abomination fall through on "The Incredible Hulk"? Toretto pulls the same fucking shit... He stomps the floor, makes it fall and the bad guy falls through it.... Why is it that when The Hulk does it it's "over the top"?
- Remember when McClain used a car + improvised ramp to crash said car against a helicopter? Well Toretto does the same thing... Only he leaves a nice bag filled with grenades on the chopper. Why was it that on Die Hard it was absurd and here was cool?
- The drone in Mission Impossible 3 = over the top. Drone in Furious 7 = awesome... Why?
See my point?
By the end of the movie, a terrorist from Somalia goes to LA in a chopper to chase the good guys and he deploys a drone from said chopper. High caliber rounds and missiles (I counted 4 from the drone alone) all around LA. At this point I'm thinking that Marvel's fucking Avengers would show up, but no. The drone got taken out by Hobbs (Johnson's character) in a most peculiar way... The drone goes IN a tunnel and as it is coming out Hobbs DRIVES A FUCKING AMBULANCE OUT OF A ROAD.... and crushes the drone, hijacks it's minigun and goes on to find more bad guys.
He finds the chopper, shots at it with his looted minigun as Toretto does the trick described above. But the grenades do not go off... no... That would be too normal... Hobbs shots at them with a magnum.
The whole sequence lasts some 45 minutes. At some point someone said "The Military is inbound, ETA 3 minutes." but no one ever came. A friend did some research for me and Edward's Air base is about 100Km away from LA... And no one came. No radar saw the unidentified war helicopter. Even Michael fucking Bay is more careful when bullshitting people.
Oh and by the way, it's stupid that Tom Cruise learned the Way of The Sword over the course of a winter, right?.... But it's alright when these 2 guys do this?
Fuck
You
Very much.
The only good thing I can say about the movie is that just before the end credits there is a scene, more like a tribute to Paul Walker, It was actually really nice and well done. I mean I never really liked his acting and I never met the dude, but I have no reason to believe he was not a good guy, and that tribute was cool.
Verdict? It is a terrible movie. Terrible terrible movie. This movie is so evil that it bullies other, smaller movies. If the fate of the world rest on me having to watch it again... Well fuck, we're dead. Watching this movie should be considered a crime against humanity, right up there with torture because it is in fact torturous. "But Guaji, I liked it!" Yeah, and there's people that enjoy killing other people that doesn't make it right. "But Guaji, driving cars that fast and living that kind of life is my dream", Fuck you, Charles Manson was following his dream.
There. The End. And in case I run into a hater, I'll leave you with this song.
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